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Scully and Mulder investigate Microsoft
November 3, 1997
Agents Scully and Mulder investigate
Microsoft in the eXpletive-deleted files
I'm special agent scully from the U.S. Department of Justice. This is
Agent Mulder. We understand you think this is the victim of a serial
Officer Schnauser: Yes, it's the truth.
Mulder: [whispering to Scully] He seems rather defensive, don't you
Scully: You know, officer, we have no reason to doubt ...
Schnauser: No, I mean it's the truth. The truth was murdered. Third
time this week, as a matter of fact.
Mulder: I see. Have you noticed any pattern in the killer's behavior?
Schnauser: Nothing obvious. Except we keep finding things like these
on the bodies of the victims.
[Schnauser hands a stack of papers to Mulder, who examines them at
Mulder: I'm afraid we may be dealing with supernatural forces here,
Scully: What makes you think that?
Mulder: This first page is a news clipping about how Microsoft bullied
OEMs to give prominence to Internet Explorer over other browsers.
Scully: What is so unusual about that?
Mulder: Exactly. Microsoft is bullying its partners regarding Windows
pre-loads and these people think it's news?
Scully: There's probably a rational explanation ...
Mulder: I don't think our viewers will ever believe you think there's
going to be a rational explanation to any of our plots.
Scully: Why can't you admit the obvious? Microsoft offers a lot of
at a low price by integrating software into its OS -- the opposite
you get when you stifle competition.
Mulder: Well, I've heard Microsoft make that point several times, but I
keep forgetting it.
Scully: Perhaps you have a selective memory because you hate
Mulder: No, it's just that my high-value, low-priced copy of Windows
crashes every time I try to jot down that quote in Microsoft Word.
Scully: Look, you know Netscape pressured us into investigating this
case because it can't handle competition.
Mulder: I'm not so sure. But I know a way Microsoft could prove it to
the world and remove all doubt.
Mulder: It could try selling Internet Explorer for real money
dumping it on the market at a loss in order to drive Netscape out of
[Mulder reaches into pocket to retrieve his ringing cell phone.]
Mulder: Hello, this is Mulder.
Scully: It's Scully. I've located Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates and
Group Product Manager Cornelius Willis at a press conference.
Cornelius just said, "We're not delivering a different
Java; we are adding features." Bill claims competitors are
needs of the customers.
Mulder: They're lying.
Scully: Yes, but how did you know? I didn't think you knew enough
about science and technology to ...
Mulder: Here, have a look.
[Scully accepts the binoculars from Mulder.]
Mulder: See what I mean?
Scully: Yes. Very observant of you, Mulder. Their lips are moving. But
that still doesn't prove Bill is lying.
Mulder: Right. Bill Gates complains that he can't find enough Microsoft
proprietary formats on the Web after 10 hours of searching. And this
guy who cares about the customer?
Scully: But that still doesn't mean there's something supernatural at
Mulder: No? This was found on the latest victim. It is a Microsoft
release that claims Internet Explorer -- a product that you can install
separately and is available for the Macintosh -- is an integral part of
Windows and not a separate product.
Scully: What's supernatural about that?
Mulder: Half of our staff back at the office are convinced it's true.
Scully: So you think this is going to end up as another dead-end
Mulder: I'm afraid so.
Scully: Well, I can't help but think we should have gotten Bill Gates'
opinion of this script before shooting the episode.
Mulder: Maybe. But I suspect the title X Files would take on a whole
new meaning if we did ...
A former consultant and programmer, Nick Petreley is editor in
chief at NC World (http://www.ncworldmag.com). Reach him at
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Copyright © 1997 InfoWorld Publishing Company
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