Time for a joke

[Tod Landis <landis@cruzio.com>]

  A friend sent the attached...hope you enjoy it.
  
  Joan and others, this is an Internet list, and occasionally it
  will be somewhat rude.  It isn't realistic to expect
  this forum to be more decorous than  the English
  Parliament.
  
  Tod Landis
  
  >Subject: Microsoft to Buy the U.S. Government...
  >
  >                  Microsoft to Buy the U.S. Government...
  >
  >REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations
  made
  by
  >the Department of Justice, rhe Microsoft Corp. announced today that it
  will
  > be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America
  for
  an
  >undisclosed sum.  "It's actually a logical extension of our planned
  >growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be
  a
  >positive arrangement for everyone".
  >
  >Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the
  White
  >House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the
  press
  >that changes will be "minimal".  The United States will be managed as a
  
  >wholly owned division of Microsoft.  An initial public offering is
  planned
  >for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
  >profitable by "fourth quarter '99 at latest", according to Microsoft
  >president Steve  Ballmer.
  >
  >In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
  and
  >enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with
  Microsoft,
  >and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting
  >directly to Bill Gates.  Then asked how it felt to give up the mantle
  of
  >executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a
  >relief".  He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and
  
  >that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support and
  confidence".
  >Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually
  he
  >has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.
  >
  >Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
  as
  >"silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the
  U.S.
  >government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.  Gates
  went
  >on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished.
  >"Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're
  >doing".
  >
  >When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada and England
  was
  >proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
  place".
  >Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
  >States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in
  government
  >services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
  >
  >About Microsoft.  Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the
  >worldwide leader in software for personal computers, and democratic
  >government.  The company offers a wide range of products and services
  for
  >public, business and personal use, each designed with the mission of
  making
  >it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full
  power
  >of personal  computing and free society every day.
  >
  >About the United States.  Founded in 1789, the United States of America
  is
  >the most successful nation in the history of the world, and has been a
  >beacon of democracy and  opportunity for over 200 years.  Presently
  >headquartered in Washington, DC.
  >
  >