*JOKE* Apple Architecture

[tobeth@lava.net (Beech Family)]

  At the risk of being assessed a penalty for being "off-topic"..
  
  I maintain there have been enough comments on "Apple Architecture" that I
  feel justified in posting this *joke* [recently offered on our local apple
  user-group list]
  
  enjoy...
  
  Heather
  tobeth@lava.net
  
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   CUPERTINO, Calif. - November 19, 1997 - Apple Computer Inc.
  >> today announced that every employee but Steve Jobs will be
  >> leaving the company.
  >>
  >> "Although disappointing, this attrition still fits well into
  >> the three year plan for turning around Apple" said Steve Jobs,
  >> President and CEO of Apple.
  >>
  >> In a move that surprised even the most skeptical of analysts
  >> over 12,000 employees have given notice that this will be
  >> their last week at Apple Computer. 74% of the employees
  >> claimed "Pursuing other opportunities as their reason for
  >> leaving. Other popular responses were:
  >>
  >> "Want to spend more time with my family", "It has been a
  >> long fun road, but it is time for me to move on", and,
  >> "When the cost cutting taskforce catered lunches went from
  >> hot meals to bag lunches, I knew it was time to leave."
  >>
  >> "In their tenure at Apple, everyone greatly improved Apple's
  >> business activities", said Mr. Jobs, acting VP of Human
  >> Resources. "The employees were an integral part of our
  >> success, and they will be missed. However, I do not see this
  >> will in any way change our strategy." Upon further reflection,
  >> Steve did comment that this would make the expected 30-35%
  >> layoff plan much easier to implement.
  >>
  >> A spokesperson for Apple, sounding like a muffled Jobs, said
  >> there would be a further consolidation of operations.
  >> Manufacturing would be shut down for a short period of time
  >> while new floor workers were trained.
  >>
  >> Steve was sighted at Apple's Singapore factory trying to get
  >> a torque wrench to work. In addition, the spokesperson said
  >> all of Apple Marketing, Sales, Quality, and R&D would be
  >> placed under one global organization. Steve Jobs will be
  >> acting in this role until a suitable candidate is identified.
  >>
  >> Calls into Apple's SOS support line and main number were
  >> answered by an automated system saying the line would be
  >> picked up in less than 26 hours. When the line did finally
  >> pick up we were surprised to finally have a chance to speak
  >> with Steve in person. He quickly apologized for any
  >> inconvenience and blamed the delay on what he described
  >> as a WinTel driven phone interface that took him hours to
  >> understand.
  >>
  >> Apple's new executive management team, which did consist of
  >> 10 members will be reduced to five. They are: Steve Jobs -
  >> CEO and President, Steve Jobs - Acting VP of Operations,
  >> Steve Jobs - Acting Senior VP of Marketing, Steve Jobs -
  >> Acting VP of Human Resources and Steve Jobs - Acting
  >> CTO/COO/CAO/CFO. Steve Jobs was not available for comment.
  >>
  >> Apple's stock was off 3/8 to 1/38 in light trading Friday.
  >> Asked if he was worried about a hostile takeover, Acting
  >> CFO Jobs said, "Don't worry, we still have $87,000 in cash
  >> and checks in the checkbook. I'm not expecting a problem
  >> until we achieve long term profitability."
  >>
  >> Mr. Jobs did revise his predicition on achieving profitability
  >> from Q497 to early next quarter. He cited dramatically lower
  >> operating costs and salaries as major reasons for the new found
  >> optimism.
  
  =====================================================================
  Heather Wimberly Beech,A.I.A.
  Wimberly Architects
  tobeth@lava.net
  
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  http://www.GreenRoseDesign.com/
  heatherw@greenrosedesign.com
  =================================