[Upd-discuss] The Continuing Adventures of Private Infringer

[Seth Johnson]

> http://privateinfringer.blogspot.com/

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Chapter I


Private Infringer isn't a super hero like Captain Copyright of
course. He is just a lowly private who wants to know why
everybody keeps trying to tell him what to do, even in the
privacy of his own home.

Every time he tries to rip his CDs to put them on his MP3 player,
that guy Captain Copyright in spandex pajamas, is in his face
telling him it's wrong. Yesterday he downloaded a copy of DJ
Dangermouse's Grey Album. When CC showed up to lecture him in his
usual condescending way, Infringer tried explaining that DJ
Dangermouse put it on the web for free himself. But Copyright
said that didn't matter. Paul McCartney did not approve, and that
is all that really did matter.

How was it, Infringer wondered, that a society which judges
itself to be so enlightened could find it so easy to suppress
art. He then thought about all the other lost art which he had
either heard of, or in some cases, even seen parts of himself.
"The Cat NOT in the Hat", "Eyes on the Prize", and another new
book. What was it again? Oh yeah, "How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got
Wild, and Got in".

The last one was ChickLit, so the thought of reading it did not
really grab him, but he did begin to wonder just how much stuff
might be out there that had not seen the light of day long enough
for him to be able to discover its existence. Even worse how much
art was never being created in the first place because people
were too afraid of the consequences?

Oh well, he wasn't going to worry about this now. He was almost
home. With any luck the movie he started downloading this morning
would be finished and he could kick up his feet, order some
pizza, and chill in front of a great movie.

Rounding the corner onto his street in his busy downtown
neighbourhood he saw the street vendor who often sells things in
his little stall on the sidewalk. Usually the vendor sold the
same old stuff, cheap electronics, cheap DVDs and CDs, and
assorted nicnaks. Today some new nicnaks grabs his eye. Infringer
had always been a ravenous reader. He had fond memories of when
he was a kid and he read the entire collection of “Anne of Green
Gables. “ with his mother. The new nicnaks all looked like
various Anne of Green Gable characters. He picked up a couple to
examine them thinking one of them possibly tied in with a some
flowers and a bow might make a thoughtful mothers day present.

Choosing a rather nice one, which was distinctly Anne with the
freckles and red hair, he paid the vendor and started to walk
away. But he'd only gone about 3 feet when that self important
busy body Captain Copyright flew in out of the blue. Wow. Just
like a real super hero too.

“Did you know that you have just purchased an unauthorized and
unlicenced product” said Captain Copyright in his deep, strong
and authoritative voice. Everyone on the street could hear this
and as he spoke the vendor started cowering in his seat and
glancing up and down the street with a very guilty look on his
face.

Infringer's first instinct of course was to immediately put the
product back. Copyright spoke with such authority and certainty,
and his words always seamed so reasonable on the surface that it
was very difficult for anyone not to do exactly what he said. But
Infringer gathered his strength this time.

“Oh no, not you again”, he sighed, “What, what, have I done this
time?”

“That ceramic doll you just purchased was not licensed by the
Anne of Green Gables Licensing Authority. It is illegal. You must
hand it over to the appropriate authorities along with
information about who you received it from so that they can all
be destroyed. If you don't, the authorities will prosecute you
instead.”

“huhh” Private Infringer was confused, “Wait a minute. I haven't
done anything wrong. What do you mean licensed? What is there to
license? These are characters from a book. There weren't even any
pictures in those books. How can this be breaking copyright?”

“It isn't” said Captain Copyright with his arms crossed and a
stern disapproving look on his face.

The look on Private Infringer's face was more a look of
bewilderment. He began to wonder if perhaps Copyright's spandex
pants were a little to tight and were cutting off circulation to
the the part of his anatomy his brain must be in.

“It's breaking trademark law” Copyright continued, “The Anne of
Green Gables Licensing Authority is a corporation jointly owned
by the province of PEI and the heirs of Lucy Maud Montgomery.
They own all rights to any character likenesses from the books as
well as the words 'Anne of Green Gables' and the Montgomery name”

Private Infringer still had a bewildered look on his face. “But
wait a minute, these books are all in the public domain now
aren't they? Doesn't that mean, they don't need to be licensed?
Besides”, Infringer paused for a moment, “ I thought your name
was Captain Copyright, not Trolling Trademark”.

Captain Copyright's face started to look a little more angry.
Infringer began to get a little worried that maybe he'd gone too
far and stepped over the line. He had heard about how Captain
Copyright had completely destroyed people in the past with his
powerful 'Statutory Damages' death ray. He did not really want to
make Captain Copyright angry if he could avoid it. He broke eye
contact with Copyright and instead stared down at his feet.

The Captain continued. “ It does not matter what the status of
the books are. This is trademark law. There is no limitations on
trademarks. The owner of a trademark can continue to dictate how
that trademark is used for as long as they maintain its
registration. The AGGLA has complete control of every....”

BOOM

Copyright's words were suddenly interrupted by the loud sound of
a vehicle backfiring. Copyright and Infringer both turned to see
an old army jeep turning the corner of the street. Its paint was
peeling, and smoke was coming out of the tail pipe. The front
axle was obviously bent as the vehicle had a pronounced vertical
wobble in its movement. It pulled up in front of Copyright and
Infringer, coughed and sputtered then stopped. An old man got out
who looked like he could be Moses' grandfather. He had a short
white beard, wrinkled face, and a tattered but clean, old army
uniform which was full of rusty medals.

“Who are you?” said Captain Copyright and Private Infringer at
the same moment.

The old man paused in front of them for a moment to catch his
breath.

“I am General Intelligence”, he said.

Copyright's face changed to look a little more worried. For years
now he had managed to maintain order and control without having
to worry about anything that had anything to do with
Intelligence. Was this guy back now to undo all his good work.
Copyright sized up this Intelligence and hopefully concluded that
he was to old and frail to offer much of any opposition.

“What do you want?” scoffed Copyright.

“For years now I have not paid attention to these issues of
copyright and Intellectual Monopolies, while you and your
corporate friends have slowly tightened the noose upon our
society. It is almost to the point now where nothing creative can
be done without explicit permission from some corporate entity or
another. Our culture is dying and what's left is being sold off
to the highest bidder. I'm going to protect this boy from the
likes of you.”

“Words of intelligence eh?” Captain Copyright scoffed with a wide
grin on his face.

“Yes”, replied General Intelligence, looking a little perplexed
by the new look on Copyright's face.

“The word is 'property' you simpleton”, Captain copyright shot
back with a laugh. “Intellectual Property”, he yelled, “Boy, if
you can't get that right, you really haven't got a hope defeating
me.”. Captain Copyright was starting to feel much more sure of
himself now.

There was a pause before Intelligence spoke again. Then he spoke
slowly.

“I said 'Intellectual Monopoly', and that is precisely what I
meant. Just because you and your control obsessed cohorts have
managed to convince the world that the inappropriate use of the
word property is justified, does not make it right. A monopoly
right granted to you by the state, allows you to dictate other
people's behaviour. It is not property. In fact it is the exact
opposite of property, as it gives you the right to tell others
how they may or may not use their own property. This is one of
the first things I need to rectify.”

Copyright was starting to worry again, and small beads of sweat
were forming on his forehead.

Intelligence continued, “Now as for this Anne of Green Gables
thing.” the General paused as he turned to look at Private
Infringer, “Alas my boy, I'm afraid Captain Copyright is correct.
In fact the trademark owners already won a landmark victory in
court which prevents anyone from making commercial use of any of
the characters or names associated with the Anne of Green Gables
story. Verbatim copies of the book are probably OK but any
derived works would violate the registered trademarks.”

Private Infringer was in shock. “You mean these people can use
trademark law to totally circumvent the purpose of copyright law
and effectively maintain a monopoly on these stories forever?”

“I'm afraid so,” replied the General.

Captain Copyright had a look of satisfaction on his face,
strikingly similar to the one Mickey Mouse wore the day the
American overlords successfully extended their term of copyright,
thereby saving their iconic mascot from falling into the hands of
the pagan artisans.

“Not so fast Captain Copyright”, General Intelligence turned to
Captain Copyright just as he was reaching for ceramic figurine,
intent on smashing the poor thing to bits with the sincere belief
that this was somehow going to save the world from evil.

He pulled a large roll of red tape out of his jacket as he
continued speaking.

“The Private here is quite right. As you yourself have said, this
is a trademark issue, and as such it is completely out of your
jurisdiction. Not even the American FCC has successfully been
able to rule outside their jurisdiction and impose their dreaded
Broadcast Flag.” General Intelligence and Private Infringer both
shuddered at these words. “You too are restricted by jurisdiction
and will have to leave this poor boy alone.”

Captain Copyright was utterly stunned by this. Could General
Intelligence really use such a technical detail to prevent
Captain Copyright from saving the world for the exclusive
cultural exploitation of large multinational corporations?

While Copyright was contemplating this horrible concept, his jaw
slowly moving up and down so that he resembled some kind of large
green fish trying to breath out of water, General Intelligence
took advantage of the opportunity. With a little help from
Infringer he tied Copyright up in the red tape as tightly as he
could. Then the two of them proceeded down the road in the
direction of Infringer's Apartment.

“Thank you General Intelligence, I thought I was a goner back
there.”

“Don't thank me too quickly my boy.” said Intelligence, “These
are dark times that we live in. They will get much darker too I'm
afraid before they get brighter. These multinational corporations
are very powerful indeed, and they have a tight reign on both our
culture and our government. I've slowed Captain Copyright down by
tying him up in red tape, but I certainly have not stopped him.
He will be back, and he will bring his friends.”

There was a long pause as they walked slowly down the street
together.

“I'm getting old my boy,” continued General Intelligence after a
while, “and people don't listen to me very much many more. I can
advise you, but I can do no more. If you want a society different
then the one the multinational corporations and the collective
associations want, then you will have too take action on your
own. You will have to do something about it.”

They were approaching the front door to Private Infringer's third
story walk up. Infringer knew the General would have difficulty
climbing those stairs so instead of inviting him up, he thanked
him, shook his hand, then reached for his keys and made his way
up to the his apartment.

General Intelligence turned around and slowly started walking
back to his jeep by himself. He didn't mind. He was actually
getting use to being by himself. Most people, he we was beginning
to think, simply did not want Intelligence. And he could live
with that.

Private Infringer checked his mail box on the way up and was
delighted to discover that a DVD he had recently ordered from the
BBC in the UK through mail order had finally arrived.

posted by Infringer at 9:27 PM