[stop-imf] Extra Extra! World Bank and IMF Abolish Themselves!

[robert weissman]

The Global Gazette! "all the news the G-6 billion can use"
Sold for the price of reparations today by MGJ newsies in front of the Worl=
d
Bank, IMF and busy metro stations in Washington DC.
Below are the lead articles, and classifieds.

THE GLOBAL GAZETTE for April 1st, 2005

Extra Extra
World Bank and IMF Abolish Themselves!

By: Owen Monny
Staff writer

Washington DC =96 The international community was stunned today at the
announcement, effective immediately, that the World Bank and IMF are to be
abolished.  The announcement came amid much turmoil between IMF and
World Bank
staff and the Group of Seven, or G-7 wealthiest nations.  It appears
that upon
closer inspection of both the World Bank and IMF, staff could find no
plausible
reason for either of the two to keep functioning.  In recent months staff i=
n
many countries and at the World Bank and IMF headquarters in Washington
DC had
simply stopped coming to work. =93What started as a crisis of people power
turned
into a crisis of legitimacy when the executive board examined the staff
reasons
for leaving their posts=94 said a senior Bank official =93We simply could
not see a
reason to continue operating=94.

Citing a long history of failed infrastructure projects that have displaced
millions, failed free market economic policies that have thrown millions
into
poverty and a process that is non-transparent and un-democratic, the G-7
Finance Ministers issued a joint statement abolishing the World Bank and IM=
F
effective immediately in a press conference held at the United States
Department of Treasury.

US Treasury Secretary John Snow accompanied by the finance ministers
from The
U.K. Canada, Italy, France, Germany and Japan read the statement.  =93Upon
close
reflection of our relevance and our role in the global economy the G-7 has
found it necessary to abolish the World Bank and IMF as they are only
tools by
which our own nations=92 priorities have been fulfilled while destroying th=
e
lives of millions and only furthering the agendas of large corporations
and the
wealthy elite=94. The statement went on to say =93Given that both the World
Bank and
IMF are controlled by us, the G-7 and not by the masses whose lives are mos=
t
affected by the policies of the institutions we feel it necessary to
step down
as the architects of the global economy.  We recognize the need for
localized
and community based solutions to poverty, and that it is our greed and
misguided and corrupt reliance on capitalism that has created the
poverty and
environmental degradation that now threaten the earth and its people.=94

The G-7 Finance ministers answered very few questions after the
statement was
released.  The only issue addressed outside of the statement was what is
to be
done with the newly installed president of the World Bank, Paul
Wolfowitz.  To
this the British Finance Minister explained that given Mr. Wolfowitz=92s
current
imprisonment for war crimes the abolishment of the World Bank will not
affect
him and that indeed Mr. Wolfowitz=92s placement as World Bank president
has been
a key factor in the unraveling of the institution. =93It appears that the
staff
association could not reconcile its hatred of Mr. Wolfowitz with their
sense of
duty to the World Bank as such most staff simply left=94.

To the question of what will become of the billions of dollars in assets
held by
the World Bank and IMF the French Finance Minister told the press that the
Washington DC based properties valued at over $1.3 billion would be given t=
o
the community for use as affordable housing, schools and health care
facilities.  He went on to say that all property taxes, amounting to
over $430
million, that the World Bank and IMF owe to Washington DC will be paid
in full
by the end of the year. All other World Bank/IMF-owned property in other
countries will be turned over to local municipalities and local
organizations
for dismantling and redistribution within one year. The large revenue
and gold
reserves held by the World Bank and IMF will be used to pay reparations to
countries paying off the debts of illegitimate regimes such as the
Philippines
(which has been paying off the debts of the Marcos regime).  Left-over fund=
s
will be used to pay reparations to people displaced by World Bank funded
projects such as the Sardar Sarovar Project dam in Narmada Valley, India.

In effect the G-7 will also cease to exist as they have stated that they
have no
plans to meet in the future.

The news of the abolition of the World Bank and IMF was met with great
relief
and celebration by crowds of thousands of jubilant citizens of countries
in the
Global South.  =93We welcome this news of total abolishment! We now are
free to
build our communities that will help people be healthy and free from fear o=
f
starvation and sickness,=94 said one such reveler.

At the end of the statement the G-7 concluded by saying that they have
received
a commitment from the US House and Senate as well as the Parliaments of the
other G-7 countries to abolish the right of corporate personhood and to
demand
that corporations also pay reparations to those effected by there
activities. A
commitment to disarm their respective militaries was also stated. =93It is
not our
place, nor is it any one nation or group of nations place to wage war on an=
y
people=94 said the German Finance Minister.

=93This is a new day for people of the world=94 said Jostice Siekher of
Bangladesh
=93today we get to taste real freedom; freedom from the tyranny of the
corporation, the tyranny of war and the tyranny of capitalism. Today the
people
rise and claim their dignity! What a fine day to be alive.=94

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World Bank, IMF, IDB Reach Historic Deal With City to Pay Property Taxes
By April Phoolan Devi
Staff writer

Yesterday, representatives of the World Bank, International Monetary
Fund (IMF),
and Interamerican Development Bank (IDB) reached a historic deal with the
government of the District of Columbia.  This agreement requires that
the Bank,
IMF, and IDB pay $360 million  annually in Payments in Lieu of Taxes
(PILOTs).

The three institutions own property in the District values at
approximately $1.4
billion, and earn about $4 billion in annual profits. In addition, the
IMF holds
gold reserves of about $30 billion. All three institutions benefit from cit=
y
services such as police and fire protection, winter snow removal, street
maintenance, and emergency planning. Until yesterday, the three institution=
s
were not expected to pay any taxes, and legally they remain exempt from
taxes
as Public International Organizations.

However, the changed political realities of today have compelled the
institutions and the city to negotiate a face-saving deal on PILOTs. The
growing indebtedness and fiscal insolvency of the city government, and its
failure to adequately fund public schools and libraries and other city
services
that benefit low-income residents, has led to serious public
disenchantment with
elected officials. Cost escalations for the construction of the publicly
funded
baseball stadium, which is now only one-third complete and has already
costed
the city $800 million, have bankrupted the city. Negotiations between Mayor
Anthony Williams and the World Bank for a loan for continued construction o=
f
the baseball stadium were ended when the legal department of the Bank, afte=
r
extensive research, discovered that not only was Washington DC not a
sovereign
country, but that it was an entity without any self-determination or
representation in the U.S. Congress.

"We were misled by the fact that Mayor Williams' bowtie collection was more
befitting of a head of state, or at least a spouse of a head of state
such as
Imelda Marcos, than of the mere mayor of a city, that too one without any
self-government to speak of," said Ms. Sue Bold Lee, the head of the World
Bank's legal department. "We are proud of having contributed to spurring
demand
for the products of the European shoe industry and ensuring the solvency
of the
banking system in Switzerland through our lending to the Philippines in the
1970s, and in a similar vein, we were hoping to assist the ailing bowtie
manufacturing industry through our planned lending to Washington DC.
Naturally,
we are disappointed that pesky regulations prevent us from doing so,"
added Ms.
Lee. When pressed by reporters about whether she equated Mr. William's
bowtie
collection with Ms. Marcos' shoe collection, she replied that she was not
qualified to address the question, and referred reporters to the Second
Deputy
Assistant Associate Under-Vice President for Development of Apparel
Industries
at the World Bank.

The terms of the loan being negotiated reportedly included the provision
that
the owners of the Washington Nationals baseball team could get an unlimited
line of credit from the World Bank, which the city promised to repay in the
event that the rate of profit of the Nationals were to fall below 20% as a
consequence of making payments on the loan. The interest rate charged to th=
e
city under these circumstances would be only five percentage points
higher than
the rate charged to the Nationals, making it a very lucrative deal for
keeping
baseball in the city, according to Mr. Natwar Gandhi, Chief Financial
Officer
of the District. "Such a minuscule debt and interest rate increase are but =
a
small price to pay for keeping baseball in the city," said Gandhi.

Baseball owners have been devastated by the collapse of loan negotiations
between the City and the World Bank. "We are so disappointed by the
failure of
this loan agreement that we are considering moving to Podunk, Iowa, and
renaming ourselves the Podunk Podiatrists," said Mr. I. Ripuoff, head of th=
e
Baseball Owners and Operators Nationwide Deviously Organizing to Gouge
Governments and Law Everywhere (BOONDOGGLE), the consortium that owns the
Nationals.

Yesterday's agreement represented a victory for the City Council, who
unanimously passed a non-binding resolution five months ago to ask the Worl=
d
Bank to pay PILOTs. At the time, Mayor Williams was busy with a Rose Garden
ceremony at the White House celebrating passage of the Operation Build
Freedom
through US Capitalism Attacking Terrorists Everywhere (OBFUSCATE) Act, whic=
h
authorized armed intervention by the US in any country that was suspected o=
f
delaying implementation of the terms of its Highly Interventionist Politica=
l
Control (HIPC) agreement with the IMF. An important rider to the bill
eliminated elections for the office of Mayor in Washington DC and
required that
the Mayor be appointed by the previous Mayor. This rider represented what
Williams thought was the crowning glory of his political career. Little
did he
know that City Council was plotting his downfall even as he was
adjusting his
bowtie in front of a mirror in a White House bathroom, perfecting the
gesture
he would use to point at his mirror image to appoint himself to another
term.

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CLASSIFIEDS:
A. Employment

Prestigious international development organization hiring for the
position of
President. Reports to the Secretary, U.S. Department of Treasury. Job
description includes:
=95=09Supervising an effective public relations campaign that can convince
skeptical
audiences that wage cuts alleviate poverty, cheap imports assist local
manufacturing, and cyanide effluent from gold mines helps preserve the
environment.
=95=09Maintaining world leadership in cutting-edge corporate welfare scheme=
s by
finding innovative ways to get poor countries to borrow money to pay
corporations.
=95=09Promoting the goals of U.S. foreign policy while effectively
maintaining an
illusion of multilateralism.
Requirements:
=95=09U.S. citizenship - no exceptions!
=95=09Advanced degree, preferably a Ph.D in Spin Science.
=95=09Minimum 10 years experience on Wall Street.
=95=09Minimum 10,000 hours experience staying in 5 Star hotels in at least =
20
foreign capitals.
=95=09Deeply held conviction in the moral superiority of free markets over
governments, the popular will, and other irrelevant considerations.
=95=09Appropriate attitude of deference and obsequiousness in all dealings =
with
officials of the U.S. Treasury Department.
Compensation is negotiable, but is set at a minimum of $4 million
annually in
salary and benefits.
Please send resumes, cover letters, and three references to: Presidential
Search, Development Organization for Global Market Ascendancy (DOGMA),
1818 H
St. NW, Washington, DC 20433.

X-ploit Clean-you-out Services, a leading janitorial services
contractor, hiring
for positions of night shift janitors at a prestigious international
development
organization in Washington DC. In addition to basic janitorial work, the jo=
b
includes sweeping any Inconvenient Truths under the nearest rug.
Salary: minimum wage.
Benefits: as few as legally possible.
Hours: long.
We are proud to partner with the Bureau for Immigration and Customs
Enforcement
in maintaining a union-free workplace in the interests of Homeland Security=
.
Talk to a union organizer and adios, amigo, it's back to El Salvador for
you!
Please send resume and verification of docile character and aversion to
unions,
to: Janitor Search, X-ploit Clean-you-out Services, c/o Development
Organization for Global Market Ascendancy (DOGMA), 1818 H St. NW,
Washington,
DC 20433.

B. Real Estate

Complex of downtown office buildings for sale. Prime location, near several
Metro stops. Asking price: $1 billion. Special incentive for buyers: no
property taxes! Contact the sellers' real estate agent, Mr. Anthony Bowtie
(bowtie@dcforsale.com).

C. Personals

UMCILESLFCSWF, 27, development economist, seeks UMCILESLFCSM, 25-30. Race
unimportant as long as you are a member of the globetrotting elite. I like
travelling to developing countries; bullying government officials from thes=
e
countries; micromanaging their economies; demanding privatization of water,
schools, and health care; tennis; golf; and other fun pastimes. Please
e-mail
<seekingadamsmith@dogma.org> with a description of yourself and a picture o=
f
you in your favorite 5-star hotel in your favorite foreign capital.

MESSAGE: To the redheaded woman reading the Wall Street Journal in the
lobby of
the Marriott Hotel in Lusaka, Zambia, on Thursday, April 1, 2004. By the
looks
of you, you must have been a foreign development expert, so you must be
reading
this! Me: member of delegation from the Irrational Market Fanatics
(IMF), in a
dark Brooks Brothers suit, white dress shirt, red tie. I found you so
attractive, I forgot all about the Starbucks latte' I was sipping, and it
turned cold! I've been thinking about you all year, to the extent that I
haven't been able to focus and I've made simple errors at work - like when =
I
cut and pasted the macroeconomic recommendations for Nicaragua from the
recommendations for Thailand, I forgot to change the country name!
Please write
to lovelornliberalizer@marketfanatics.org if you want to meet me.

KEY for personal ads: S=3D straight, F/M =3D gender designations, W/B/L/A =
=3D
racial
designations, UMC =3D upper middle class, ILE =3D Ivy League educated, SLFC=
 =3D
Socially Liberal and Fiscally Conservative.

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This Publication Brought to you by the Mobilization for Global Justice
"Blocking the Washington Consensus since April 2000"

Come to Washington DC April 15-17, 2005 to protest the spring meetings
of the
World Bank and IMF! More info at www.globalizethis.org