[Licensed-to-Kill] Sad news: Flagstaff votes 7-0 to go smokefree

[Licensed to Kill, Inc]

Our company is deeply saddened by the tragic news that Flagstaff City
Council members voted 7-0 last night in favor of a 100% smokefree
workplace ordinance. Such news makes our company question what this
country is coming to and long nostalgicly for the good ole days when
workers and smoke wafted freely together from sea to shining sea.

Please find below the text of a letter that our company's CEO sent to
Flagstaff City Council Members on Monday. Unfortunately, the letter went
unheeded (all we got was a lousy email form letter in response).

In the name of wealth over health,

Cora Prutspin
Senior VP, Corporate Communications
Licensed to Kill, Inc
Our motto: We're Rich, You're Dead!=99
http://www.licensedtokill.biz

####

January 31, 2005

Dear Flagstaff City Council Members:

I am writing with regards to the smokefree workplace ordinance that will
come up for a final vote tomorrow. I presume that you have been
receiving considerable mail in support of the ordinance. As CEO and
Chairman of a tobacco company, however, I strongly urge you to maintain
the status quo.

Flagstaff remains a critical southwest haven for tobacco smoke. As
entire states across the country pass 100% smokefree workplace laws like
dominoes =96 California, Delaware, New York, Connecticut, Maine,
Massachusetts, and Rhode Island =96 with several more in line to fall
soon, our industry is rightly concerned about our future. Even big
cities in the Midwest, like Minneapolis, have banished the carcinogenic
plumes of our industry=92s poison puffs.

It is said that Flagstaff has the cleanest air (outdoor air, that is) of
any city in the U.S.. Luckily the same cannot be said of the city=92s
indoor air. Yes, in a country increasingly hostile to tobacco smoke
pollution, Flagstaff is a fresh breath of dirty indoor air!

While tourists from the West and East coasts might increasingly find
smoky Flagstaff a bit of anachronism, the local tourism bureau could
surely create a catchy slogan that extols the historical value of
breathing in carcinogens. =93Come stink up your cloths and blacken your
lungs in Flagstaff, just like people used to in the olden days across
America!=94

Now, if some workers or patrons happen to have problems with our Class A
(the deadliest!) carcinogens, the solution is simple: don=92t breathe. Our
research indicates it is possible to chow down, guzzle drinks and not
breathe far longer than commonly thought. In fact, many of our own best
customers have stopped breathing all together.

Honestly, who really cares if tobacco smoke pollution kills a few
bartenders and service staff? I certainly hope that you, the esteemed
members of the Flagstaff City Council, don=92t find the issue particularly
urgent. Yes, many of our customers =97 and workers in places they
patronize =97 lie dying in intensive care, lungs ridden with cancer,
bodies paralyzed by strokes. But that=92s the beauty of the tobacco
business: people actually pay us to kill them /and/ innocent bystanders!

So please do not to be swayed by the emotional appeals of those who fail
to put wealth above health. Bad air means good business for us. The more
workplaces where people can smoke, the more cigarettes sold, the more
money we make.

In particular, it is critical to maintain the ideal breeding
environment, smoky bars, for a new generation of young smokers, such as
Northern Arizona University college students. Ahh, the plumes of smoke
that these young=92uns exhale have always been music to my nostrils =96 a
tantalizing toxic reminder of the lifetime of profits we=92ll be reaping
from them. It all starts with that first puff=85cough=85and then another pu=
ff.

I must admit that I have never been to Flagstaff myself, but I promise
to hold my company=92s board meeting in your tobacco-friendly city if you
continue to put the health of our industry over that of your local bar
and restaurant staff.

Yes, if you keep things just as they are, maybe Flagstaff =96 the Gateway
to the Grand Canyon =96 may one day also be known as the Gateway to
Emphysema!

Sincerely,

Rich Fromdeth
Chairman and CEO, Licensed to Kill, Inc

P.S. Licensed to Kill, Inc is a real corporation, incorporated in the
state of Virginia in 2003. As our articles of incorporation explicitly
state, the purpose of our company is to =93manufacture and market tobacco
products in a way that each year kills over 400,000 Americans and 4.5
million other persons worldwide.=94 We=92re just like other tobacco
companies in the business, except we tell the truth about our deadly
products. Our slogan: =93We=92re Rich, You=92re Dead!=94 For more informati=
on
about Licensed to Kill, go to: www.licensedtokill.biz


LOUSY EMAIL RESPONSE:

Thank you for contacting the Flagstaff City Council. We value citizen
input and review all of the correspondence that is sent to us. However,
depending on the nature of your e-mail, you may or may not receive an
additional response. If your issue pertains to an item on the City
Council agenda, it will be included as part of the record which we will
use to make our decision. If your concern requests additional follow-up
or information, we will respond more fully in the future.

Whether or not your e-mail requires a response, please know that your
input is very important and we appreciate your taking the time to let us
know your thoughts.