[Am-info] Lou Costello Buys A Computer

[Fred Miller]

Lou Costello Buys A Computer

  Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's famous sketch "Who's on first?" might 
have turned out something like this:

  COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

  ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
  COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking 
about buying a computer.
  ABBOTT: Mac?
  COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
  ABBOTT: Your computer?
  COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one
  ABBOTT: Mac?
  COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
  ABBOTT: What about Windows?
  COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
  ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
  COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
  ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
  COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write 
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
  ABBOTT: Office.
  COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
  ABBOTT: I just did.
  COSTELLO: You just did what?
  ABBOTT: Recommend something.
  COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?
  ABBOTT: Yes..
  COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
  ABBOTT: Office.
  COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
  ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm 
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.
  COSTELLO: What word?
  ABBOTT: Word in Office.
  COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
  COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with 
some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the 
Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
  COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of 
your business. Just tell me what I need!
  ABBOTT: Real One.
  COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I 
watch them?
  ABBOTT: Of course.
  COSTELLO: Great! With what?
  ABBOTT: Real One.
  COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do 
I do?
  ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
  COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
  ABBOTT: The blue "1".
  COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
  COSTELLO: What word?
  ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
  ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
  COSTELLO: It is?
  ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It 
pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
  COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
  ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part 
of Office.
  COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial 
bookkeeping?
  You have anything I can track my money with?
  ABBOTT: Money.
  COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
  ABBOTT: Money.
  COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.
  COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
  COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
  ABBOTT: One copy.
  COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
  COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
  ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

  A FEW DAYS LATER . .

  ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
  COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......

-- 
"Ballmer is no more designed for the art of persuasion 
than the Abrams tank is for delivering meals on wheels."