Abbott and Costello meet Windows 95

[Mitch Stone <mstone@vc.net>]

Abbott and Costello Meet Windows 95

    Costello:  Hey, Abbott!
       Abbot:  Yes, Lou?
    Costello:  I just got my first computer.
       Abbot:  That's great Lou. What did you get?
    Costello:  A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM,
               a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
       Abbot:  That's terrific, Lou.
    Costello:  But I don't know what any of it means!!
       Abbot:  You will in time.
    Costello:  That's exactly why I am here to see you.
       Abbot:  Oh?
    Costello:  I heard that you are a real computer expert.
       Abbot:  Well, I don't know-
    Costello:  Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're
               going to train me.
       Abbot:  Really?
    Costello:  Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
       Abbot:  O.K. Lou. What do want to know?
    Costello:  I am having no problem turning it on, but I
               heard that you should be very careful how you
               turn it off.
       Abbot:  That's true.
    Costello:  So, here I am working on my new computer and I
               want to turn it off. What do I do?
       Abbot:  Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
    Costello:  No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
       Abbot:  I know, you press the Start button-
    Costello:  Wait a second. I want to turn it Off.
               I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
       Abbot:  I did.
    Costello:  When?
       Abbot:  When I told you to press the Start button.
    Costello:  Why should I press the Start button?
       Abbot:  To shut off the computer.
    Costello:  I press Start to stop.
       Abbot:  Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
    Costello:  I knew it! So what do I press?
       Abbot:  Start.
    Costello:  Start what?
       Abbot:  Start button.
    Costello:  Start button to do what?
       Abbot:  Shut down.
    Costello:  You don't have to get rude!
       Abbot:  No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
    Costello:  Then say what you mean.
       Abbot:  To shut down the computer, press-
    Costello:  Don't say, "Start!"
       Abbot:  Then what do you want me to say?
    Costello:  Look, if I want to turn off the computer,
               I am willing to press the Stop button, the
               End button and Cease and Desist button, but
               no one in their right mind presses the Start
               to Stop.
       Abbot:  But that's what you do.
    Costello:  And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop
               at green lights.
       Abbot:  Don't be ridiculous.
    Costello:  I'M being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we
               started this conversation.
       Abbot:  What are you talking about?
    Costello:  I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.